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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27826738">can she taste me now?(i'm bitter)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybetherearenogoodguys/pseuds/maybetherearenogoodguys'>maybetherearenogoodguys</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The 100 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Break Up Talk, F/M, In a way, POV Bellamy Blake, Past Relationship(s), Post-Break Up, Slow Burn, Spring Break Trip, Time Skips, idk - Freeform, jealous!Bellamy, minor jealous!bellamy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 19:08:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,537</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27826738</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybetherearenogoodguys/pseuds/maybetherearenogoodguys</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Okay, well, I'm going to go, um, it was..." A deep breath. "It was nice talking to you again Bell." God, he missed hearing her say that nickname, voice like honey. "I've missed you, since you moved. It's been hard not seeing you as often."</p><p>Maybe she's drunker than he initially thought, but he has no excuse when he tells her, "I miss you too."</p><p> </p><p>As Bellamy tries to move on after a devastating breakup with the girl he thought he'd spend the rest of his life with, he's flooded with memories of the defining moments of their relationship that he can't seem to get away from. The only problem? He's not sure he wants to get away.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>can she taste me now?(i'm bitter)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello everyone! I am so sorry for being gone for so long and not updating my other two stories, but I took one down because I want to rewrite it completely, so I should be back to posting that one soon. I'm waiting for the motivation to update the other. Honestly, after what Jason did to my baby boy and the relationship that could've saved season 7, I didn't want to write anymore, and I got involved in other fandoms. Still, for some reason, every time I heard the song "Bitter" by FLETCHER (the song this fic is based on)and the song "The Night We Met" by Lord Huron, I could only picture bellarke and realized I needed to come back for them. Jason can't take this away from me.</p><p> </p><p>This story will be 2 parts, and I already have the second part halfway done, so expect that to come within the next week, and I'll put an update in the notes of the second part about my other fics.</p><p>As always, thank you so much for reading! Hope y'all enjoy:)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was happening. Whether he was ready or not, Bellamy had his first date since the infamous breakup. No one thought he would recover after Clarke Griffin broke his heart, but here he is, getting ready for a night in with a beautiful girl he met at work and, more importantly, proving his friends and sister wrong. </p><p>As he continues to get dressed for the evening, Bellamy mentally creates a checklist of all the preparations and ingredients he'll need for the meal he's cooking tonight. When he's finished putting on his socks, he goes to his bathroom mirror to see if he can fix his hair to look a bit more neat than usual. Nope. There was no hope for his unruly dark curls that he's had since infancy. Bellamy should know that by now. </p><p>Just as he's making his way to the kitchen, a knock comes at the door, and Bellamy smiles to himself when he catches the time displayed on the oven, 7 o'clock on the dot. He should've known she'd be this punctual. Bellamy walks to his apartment door in order to let his date in, but a nauseating amount of deja vu hits him as his mind flashes memories of a night just like this one from another life that he thought would be his forever.</p><p>~3 years ago~</p><p>Clarke throws her head back, and her loose golden waves flow behind her and over her neck all the way down to the apex of her waist. Captured by her beauty, Bellamy can't stop himself from staring at the image she makes sitting on his counter. She's gorgeous. Never in his life did he think that he would be in his apartment with Clarke Griffin about to make and eat dinner together like an actual date. He's continually had to remind himself that, yes, this is a date; he's finally here with Clarke after all this time.</p><p>He's known Clarke Griffin since he was a sophomore in college, and she a freshman. She showed up to O's dorm, looking bright-eyed and ready to take on the world, and honestly, it's been one hell of a ride getting to the point they're at now. They didn't like each other at first; that much was obvious to them and all of their friends. But, they tried their best to keep their arguments to a low for their friend's (Octavia's) sake. The truce started out as something small. Instead of retorting with a mean comment every time Clarke opened her mouth, he decided to actually listen to what she said. When Bellamy called her Princess (which he may have started saying more endearingly than before), she didn't automatically call him "asshat," and so on. Bellamy really doesn't know how but the girl he once couldn't stand soon wormed her way into his heart and became the one he shot an amused look to whenever Jasper said something stupid or Murphy made a snide remark to Raven, again.</p><p>Everything was finally working out, no more heated arguments that would require one of them to leave, and everyone was getting used to the idea of having a mom (Bellamy) and dad (Clarke) within their friend circle.</p><p>And then he fell in love with Clarke Griffin. Surprisingly it didn't hurt the group. There were a couple of awkward months (he can admit that he was the cause of said awkwardness) where he was deciding on what to do with his feelings but, everything worked out eventually, and Bellamy just knew that he would never stop loving this girl, so he had nothing to worry about.</p><p>Which is what led him to this moment, Clarke sitting on his kitchen counter with a coke can in her hand, laughing to the point of almost spitting out her soda because he accidentally splashed sauce on his shirt. Bellamy looks at her with what he is sure is the most love-struck puppy dog look he's ever had (or at least that's what Octavia tells him he looks like whenever Clarke's involved), and when she finally settles down and catches his gaze, she offers him a final smirk that makes his heart skip a beat. Bellamy takes off his sweater that has alfredo sauce on it and throws it to the side, watching Clarke follow each of his movements.</p><p>When he turns to start stirring the sauce again, he can feel her gaze still on him, and at that point, he can't really help himself (alfredo sauce be damned). He turns the stove off quickly and steps between the V of Clarke's legs. She wraps around him easily as he connects their lips, warm and soft and nothing like the first time they did this, but something even more perfect.</p><p>The alfredo isn't ruined, just cold when they get back to it. Luckily he had the sense to turn off the stove before he fucked her on the counter.</p><p>~Now~</p><p>One deep calming breath clears the memory from his mind, and he begins his journey to the door again. Bellamy pastes on his usual smirk and opens the door to see Echo standing there as gorgeous as ever. "Hey, Echo," he says while ushering her into the apartment.</p><p>Echo grins at him when he offers to take her coat, and he can't help compare it to the usual beam that Clarke used to flash him whenever she came into his apartment.</p><p>No. </p><p>He moved, got rid of every old piece of furniture and any pictures she was in for a reason. He isn't with Clarke anymore, and nothing should be reminding him of her.</p><p>"So I had planned on making chicken alfredo if that's okay with you?" He doesn't want to think about the irony (or whether it was more ironic than deliberate on his part). </p><p>"That sounds perfect!" Another award-winning smile that should be melting him where he stands instead of bringing flashes of blonde to his mind. </p><p>They both walk into the kitchen together, and she leans against the countertop. "So, what's your sister up to?" Usually, this would be a red flag for someone to ask about his family on a first date, but he had previously known Echo from work, so Bellamy just talks about what she's studying like he always does when someone brings Octavia up.</p><p>"Octavia, and she's getting a degree in social work at UNC right now, actually. She's always been into helping kids find safe places to live and helping those in need, so I think she'll enjoy it." </p><p>Echo smiles warmly at him, probably noticing the awe-struck look on Bellamy's face he's always told he gets whenever he talks about Octavia. "Oh, that seems interesting. There's always something new in that field of work, so she definitely won't get bored." </p><p>Bellamy nods and takes the lid off the sauce he had put on before Echo arrived and stirs it a couple of times before putting it back. "Did you want anything to drink while we wait for dinner to be ready?"</p><p>"Yes, please just a coke if you have it. How long has she been in college now?"</p><p>Bellamy grabs a glass and pours the last can of coke he has into it, grimacing as another memory flashes in front of his eyes.</p><p>~2 and a half years ago~</p><p>"Bellamy! I refuse to eat this without coke. It's me and O's ritual, you know that!"</p><p>Bellamy rolls his eyes with no real malice but gets her a can of coke anyway. She and O had always had coke the night before Valentine's day (or in Clarke's case, almost every time she's at Bellamy's) along with teriyaki chicken from their favorite takeout restaurant, which they picked up before they went back to his place.  He has no idea when the ritual started, but only that "just because I have a boyfriend doesn't mean we can't honor traditions, Bell! At that point, he didn't know Octavia also had a boyfriend and wasn't just letting him have Clarke for the night.</p><p>Bellamy takes the can of coke from the bottom of the fridge and walks back to Clarke. It's the last one he has, but he knew that it would go to Clarke eventually anyways, "Here you are, Princess."</p><p>Clarke stares at the can wide-eyed after already getting her coat on ready to leave for the store after he had joked about not having coke. "You ass! You lied to me! You said there was none left." She pulls out her bottom lip in a pout, and he steps forward to capture her bottom lip between his teeth, unable to resist the urge to even if she's "angry" at him.</p><p>She easily melts into him and begins to attack his lips with heat. As the kiss progresses, he slowly walks her back to the couch, that is, until he trips on her shoes, and they both go barreling down onto the couch instead of gracefully landing. "Princess, how many times have I told you not to put your shoes there."</p><p>Clarke feigns thinking it over before breaking into a series of giggles when Bellamy decides to tickle her in the form of a punishment. "C-clearly not e-enough times," she wheezes out between breaths and giggles. "I concede! I'm sorry, I will never leave my shoes there ever again! I promise!"</p><p>Bellamy finally stops his hand's movements in favor of holding onto her hips. He hovers above her since they are now horizontal on the couch with her laying under him, hair splayed out, and smile bright on her face. "I love you, Clarke Griffin."</p><p>"And I love you, Bellamy Blake."</p><p>~Now~</p><p>"Bellamy?" Echo places a hand on his shoulder, and he realizes he had spaced out and never answered her question.</p><p>"Um, sorry about that. I must've just been caught in my thoughts. O's a senior this year, she'll be graduating in May with her friends, and she's already got a couple of job offers from different agencies in Charolette."</p><p>All traces of worry are gone from her face now as she smiles at him, and Bellamy thinks maybe just maybe this could work. He could get over Clarke, with Echo. "Oh, that's wonderful, you must be proud!"</p><p>"Yea, I am. I really am."</p><p>Echo nods at him and turns towards the stove. "So how long until dinner's ready?" Echo asks suggestively as she hops up onto his counter. </p><p>Bellamy smirks at her, "All I have to do is finish with the sauce, and we should be all good to go." He lifts the lid off the saucer in order to stir it, and some of the steam evaporates into the air.</p><p>"Mmm, it smells g-" A ring cuts Echo off, and Bellamy realizes he must've forgotten to put his phone on vibrate.</p><p>Echo picks it up from where it's lying in the dish beside her with his keys, and her face seems to pale for a second before she hands it to him sullenly. Confusion clouds his brain as he wonders why there was such a sudden change in Echo's mood before he looks down and sees who the call is from. A bright blue-eyed blonde beams back at him with her arm wrapped around him and O. Clarke.</p><p>"Sorry, that's my-" he cuts himself off. Should he tell Echo the truth? Probably not first date material to go over. Right? "It's my sister's best friend. I should probably answer to see if O is okay."</p><p>Echo seems to brighten a little at that, and a look of understanding comes over her. "Oh yes, of course! I'll keep an eye on the precious sauce." She winks at him as she slides off the counter and steps towards the stove. Bellamy walks into his bedroom, taking a breath as he picks up the phone.</p><p>"Bellamy? Are you there?"</p><p>"Not really a good time Clarke" he'll probably regret being so gruff with her later, but right now, he's supposed to be on a date, not getting calls from his ex-girlfriend.</p><p>"Well, I'm sorry to disturb whatever important plans you have right now, but this is about Octavia," she snaps.</p><p>Bellamy automatically is on high alert at that. "Wait, what? What's wrong?"</p><p>"She's fine, just a little intoxicated, and she couldn't get her thumbs working properly for her to call you, so she asked me to call you for her."</p><p>There's some muffled noises followed by an "O seriously!" from Clarke, and then his sister is giggling into the phone. Bellamy tries really hard not to yell at her.</p><p>"Bell Boy!" She croons into the phone so loud he actually winces.</p><p>"O, are you okay? You really shouldn't be getting this drunk without me-"</p><p>"Shhhh, this is why we don't hang out anymore, Bell! You're so controlling and worrying," She says exasperatedly as if he was the one who drunkenly called her. "Sometimes, you just have to calm down!"</p><p>Bellamy takes a deep breath and tries to ignore the snort he hears from Clarke on the other end of the line. Of course, she found this funny. This is one of the reasons they broke up after all, and with that thought, another event flashes through his mind causing him to space out for the third time that night.</p><p>~One year ago~</p><p>"Oh, please! Just one party? I promise I won't ask you to dance or anything, you just have to go with me and stay for a little bit, and then we can leave!"</p><p>Bellamy sighs, "I don't know, Clarke, you know parties aren't my thing."</p><p>Clarke pouts and straddles his lap, knowing that if she's going to sway him, it's going to be like this. "I know, but I promised O I would go, and I would love to be there with you. Your arm on my waist," She leans her head down next to his and brings her lips to his ears "everyone will see you with me and know I'm yours, including Finn."</p><p>Ahh, there it is, she's got him with that. He hates Finn. Not just for breaking his girlfriend's and best friend's hearts, but for his overall douchiness and continual advances on Clarke even when she's made it clear she has a boyfriend.</p><p>Bellamy groans. "Fine. But not for very long, okay? I don't like it when you go to parties even with me there, too many horny college boys staring at you."</p><p>Clarke rolls her eyes, endearingly, "Bell, you're a horny college boy."</p><p>"Yea, but I'm a senior, and it's April, so I'm practically graduated."</p><p>"Okay, whatever you say, old man."</p><p>"Hey!"</p><p>~Now~</p><p>Crap. He needs to stop doing that. Why is it this night of all nights he can't seem to let go of the past, of their past?</p><p>"Is that all you needed, O, or was there something actually important you needed to talk to me about?"</p><p>Octavia seems to take pause at that, probably forgetting what was so important that she had his ex call him for. "Umm, oh, yes! So you know how me, Jasper, Clarke, and Monty are graduating in May?"</p><p>"Yes, O, that's usually how it works. Why?"</p><p>"Well.." Oh no, here we go. "We may or may not have booked a house in Florida for our last spring break, and this is me cordially inviting you to come with us!"</p><p>Bellamy's heart stops. He's seen O, but Clarke? Again? It seems like they broke up just yesterday (even though he's making progress with dating). How is he supposed to face her in a little over a month? "Uhh I don't know O-"</p><p>"Before you make some lame excuse, Clarke is fine with it. Your spring break at the new school coincides with ours, and you'd have your own room!"</p><p>Damn. She really thought of everything. How is she so perceptive he thought she was drunk. And Clarke's okay with this? Doubtful. Unless, unless she moved on already. No, there's no way it's been 6 months, but there's still no way, not with how they felt about each other or how he thought they felt. He moved right after the breakup, got a new job, a new apartment, basically a new life. It just so hard to see everything he associated with Clarke every day. Bellamy's finally starting to get settled into his new life, and to the dating aspect of this supposed new life, and Clarke may already have a serious boy or girlfriend she'd be taking on a week vacation? "I'll think about it, O."</p><p>Octavia makes a noise that's a mixture between glee and something almost like a howl. He will never know. Before (what sounds like) throwing the phone back to Clarke. </p><p>"Um, I'm sorry for interrupting whatever you probably had going on and being so rude about it. I honestly had no idea that was all she wanted to talk about, I thought it would be more important, especially with how persistent she was being, but you know how Octavia gets when she's drunk."</p><p>That he does.</p><p>~One year ago~</p><p>"See, Bell! It's just a party. It's fun," Clarke grins sardonically at him while dragging him in by the hand. He knows he's supposed to be the king of parties by now since he's a senior, but he was never one for the party scene after sophomore year. He had Clarke, and he mainly only went to parties before to hook up with girls, so he obviously didn't need to go to them anymore. </p><p>"Yea, Yea, I know. Let's go get some shitty lukewarm bear and then find my sister."</p><p>They do find his sister, but it's not alone, and it's with some big guy's tongue shoved down her throat. Bellamy sees red.</p><p>"What the fuck are you doing, man?!" He shoves at the guys' chest and puts himself between him and Octavia, holding her behind his arms away from the bodybuilder. This results in her pounding on Bellamys's back and trying to get around him, but he ignores it in his anger/</p><p>"Bell, stop! this is Lincoln, my boyfriend."</p><p>Bellamy whips his head around so fast he might break his neck. "Excuse me?" He vaguely registers Clarke putting her hand on his bicep, and it calms him down some, but not enough. "O, that guy is like 10 years older than you!"</p><p>"No, he's not! He's getting his master's right now, and he's only five years older than me! I'm not a little girl anymore, Bell! You can't keep treating me like one. I asked Clarke to get you to come tonight, so I could introduce you two, but if you're just going to be an ass about it then-"</p><p>The soothing hand Clarke offered is now frozen in place, and Bellamy rounds on her next. "You knew?" he spits.</p><p>"Bellamy- no, I haven't known, not for long anyway. I just wanted you to get the chance to meet Lincoln! Octavia really likes him and-"</p><p>"How long?"</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"How fucking long did you know this was going on and didn't tell me?"</p><p>"Bell, it's not Clarke's fault. I asked her not to tell you yet because I wanted to be the one."</p><p>"HOW LONG?"</p><p>Clarke actually flinches away from him,  the first time she's ever even shown a semblance of fear regarding him, and Bellamy feels guilty for a fraction of a second before she straightens her spine just like the Princess she is and tells him with a chill in her voice, "A month."</p><p>Bellamy scoffs and turns away from her walking out of the party. If he hears her call his name, he doesn't turn back, not this time. </p><p>~Now~</p><p>"Bell? You still there?" Clarke's voice brings him back to the present, and he shakes his head out of his reverie. </p><p>His voice has a gravel to it when he responds, "Yeah, I'm here." In more ways than one, he wishes, but he doesn't voice these thoughts—those thoughts (dreams) are for late nights when he's falling in and out of sleep. </p><p>"Okay, well, I'm going to go, um, it was..." A deep breath. "It was nice talking to you, again, Bell." God, he missed hearing her say that nickname, voice like honey. He can't deny that it sends a jolt through his body, muscle memory kicking in from when she would whisper it to him in bed, whispers that escalated into screams. "I've missed you, since you moved. It's been hard not seeing you as often."</p><p>Maybe she's drunker than he initially thought, but he has no excuse when he tells her, "I miss you too." Not knowing whether or not he imagined the hitch in her breath, he barrels on, better now than never. He has to get it all out. "I'm sorry for how things ended, but I think you were right. We probably both needed space and a break." Bellamy doesn't know how true his statement is, but it's the thing he's supposed to say, especially when he remembers how everything ended, what a jackass he was to her. Never getting over his protectiveness of O was probably one of his biggest character flaws. They both know that.</p><p>~ 8 months ago~</p><p>"That was months ago, and we both know the real reason why you were so upset that night." She spits out at him, voice like venom. They were having another argument about something small until it escalated into the whole Octavia situation once again. He just wished it wasn't at his apartment where she was supposed to be moving into in a month, ruining the once happy space for them. </p><p>Bellamy whips his head around to glare at her. He honestly thought they were past this. Things seemed to be back to an almost normal between them, besides the arguments, but clearly, there was some residual conflict left after all this time. "Yea, Clarke, I was upset because you fucking lied to me for a month!" </p><p>"Oh, please continue, Bellamy, because I think we both know that's not the only reason you were upset."</p><p>"I have no idea what you're talking about."</p><p>Clarke scoffs, stepping closer to him and crossing her arms over her chest. "Seriously?" At his silence comes another scoff, then sarcastically, "Bellamy Blake, ever the protective brother, who's not willing to own up when he's wrong." He steels his gaze, and she matches it, just like old times, two forces of nature that can't back down from the other. "I mean, c'mon Bellamy, you know that I lied because your sister asked me to. I didn't want to, and I told her and you that repeatedly. The real reason you were upset is because your little sister was dating someone older and bigger, that for once, you couldn't bully into doing whatever you wanted." Another step towards him as she jabs her finger into his chest. "But the thing you need to realize is that you can't always protect her. She's going to date people you don't like or trust, that's life. You need to live your own and let her live hers." Clarke's voice raises with her frustration, and it comes out as an almost pleading cry when she shouts, "For once, Bellamy, just live for yourself."</p><p>Bellamy loses his facade for a second at the crack in her voice, recognizing how badly she wants this for him, but this is the one thing he can't give her. Not now, at least. "I have no idea how to do that."</p><p>Clarke seemingly deflates at that and steps back. When she looks back up at him, there are tears welling in her eyes, but she is determined nonetheless. "I know you probably won't listen to me, but I think you can start by letting Octavia live without your constant interference. She's a grown woman Bell, let her make her own mistakes like the rest of us. Maybe then you can start focusing more on yourself."</p><p>And just like that, the anger is back. How dare she? Clarke knows how important protecting Octavia is to him, why it's so important. "Of course, the spoiled princess doesn't understand." He scoffs before opening his mouth to continue, ignoring the wounded expression on her face. Yea, he thought they were past that too. "You know what? Maybe I could focus on myself if I didn't have so many other distractions in my life." He focuses on adding another layer of menacing sarcasm to his voice. At this point, he's a wolf backed into a corner snapping at anyone who comes near, and he can't save Clarke. Not this time, not from himself. "In fact, maybe Octavia's not the distraction I need to get rid of." He sneers, words spouting too quickly for him to realize what he's saying, what he's clearly implying. All Bellamy knows right now is anger.</p><p>Another step back away from him. Clarke seems to look at him in shock, and then after a moment, something akin to acceptance flickers across her face. He didn't know acceptance could be this sad. "Okay, then. If it helps you to live more freely without all this residual anger at the world pent up inside, then I'll get out of your way."</p><p>Whether it's the true resignation in her voice or the tear that slides down her face, he doesn't know, but after those words leave her mouth, Bellamy snaps out of his desperate flight or fight stage of anger, but he's too late this time. The damage is done. "No, Clarke, that's not what I-"</p><p>A hand on his chest stops him, and the space behind his ribs feels empty now as if with her final words, she rips out his heart and takes it with her, at least it feels like she does. "It's okay, Bell. I think we both need this. Space. Go live your life, not for Octavia, not for our friends, and not for me. Focus on yourself for once."</p><p>With a kiss to his cheek, she's gone, and he's left to clean up the residue from the heart she took with her.</p><p>~Now~</p><p>Now that he thinks about it, he truly does miss her. Does he have residual aggravation with her because of how things ended? Yes, but space really did help with it. Space helped with a lot of things, including his protective big brother tendencies. Maybe that's all he needed this whole time, his own life. Maybe Clarke was right all along. Finally, Bellamy was living for himself, just like Clarke asked him to, but was he truly living if he didn't have Clarke in his life?</p><p>No, he thinks, but he has to stop that thought before it spirals.</p><p>"If we're going to go down that path, I may need to be a bit more sober and 3,000 more miles close to you than I am now." </p><p>Bellamy agrees. They need to have this conversation eventually but now is probably not the best time. The next step is back to friendship, and Bellamy can't achieve that with this much of a distance between them. Maybe he should go to Florida if only to repair this relationship.</p><p>"Yeah, probably, but I'm thinking-"</p><p>He's interrupted by another voice over the line, one he doesn't recognize. All he can hear is a few words here and there until it becomes clearer, obviously the person standing closer to Clarke than before.</p><p>"You ready to go, babe?"</p><p>Rage.</p><p>He has no right, but Bellamy can feel it boiling up in him. Simmering like the sauce, he left behind along with Echo. But why? He just said how good space was for them. Clearly, he had moved on. His date was literally in the kitchen. So why can he feel his vision blurring at the thought of someone else cooking for Clarke, someone else playing with her hair, someone else fucking her up on their countertop, her calling out someone else's name in bed? These images won't leave his head, of her in someone else's bed, waking them up with feather-light kisses down their torso. Does she do that with him? Does she kiss her way down his jaw, his neck, his collarbone, his bicep, his stomach, his v-line? </p><p>"I'll be right there." He hears a sound like a kiss, and his stomach lurches. "Hey Bell, I gotta go, but can we talk about this later? Maybe arrange something where we can meet in person?"</p><p>"Yea 'course. See ya, Princess." The nickname slips before he can stop it. Coming from his lips and leaving a taste that is distinctly Clarke in his mouth. Who knew a single word could produce this much flavor?</p><p>"Bye Bell"</p><p>When Bellamy goes back to the kitchen, he tries not to act surprised by the sight of Echo. He got so caught up in his thoughts that he almost forgot she was there, which makes him feel even worse than before. "Hey, sorry about that. My sister was planning some trip for spring break and wants me to go. I'll definitely be the oldest one there, though, so I'm practically a chaperone." He pouts and wraps his arms around her waist from where she's standing in front of the stove, stirring the sauce. </p><p>This is good. This is new. This is different. This is Echo. Not Clarke.</p><p>Echo laughs lightly and turns around to kiss him languidly, making sure to turn off the stove beforehand. They continue to kiss until they're down to underwear, and some sickening part of him finds it satisfying that he's going to fuck Echo on his counter just like he did with Clarke. This sickening part of him seems to be closely related to the one that has come up with a bunch of different ugly images to match the voice that called Clarke 'babe.'</p><p>Bellamy continues to kiss Echo as he pushes her up onto the counter to pull down his boxers and her panties. As he enters her in a swift motion after rolling on a condom, he surges up to kiss her, and a strange taste fills his mouth. No, not strange.</p><p>Distinct. Almost like</p><p>Clarke.</p><p>That sickening part of him returns, wondering if Echo can taste Clarke as well. The flavor of his Princess mixed with the bitterness he's feeling towards the situation right now. It doesn't matter, though. Clarke's not here. This is Echo.</p><p>As he fucks into Echo and begins to pick up his pace, he can't help but compare every noise she makes to what Clarke would sound like. The timbre of her voice as she calls his name, the pitch of her needy whines, the gravel in her groans, everything is different with Echo. And the worst part is, he doesn't like it.</p><p>Once they're done and have gotten dressed once more, they continue on with their dinner, and he turns on a random playlist on his phone while they eat.</p><p>Bellamy learns about where Echo is from, some city up north called Azgeda. How many siblings she has, just one a sister like he does, but definitely not as close as he and O are. Her name is Ash. She asks her own questions in return about where he grew up when he moved if he likes the highschool they both teach at. It's interesting how Bellamy has worked with this girl since the beginning of the school year, but neither knows much about the other. Another thing Bellamy realizes with these questions is just how much everything has changed since he and Clarke broke up.</p><p>He has an entirely new life. The life he lived with Clarke was gone now, so why do his thoughts keep bringing her back up?</p><p>As he continues to think about all the things he left behind, Bellamy's mind once again betrays him with a reminder of the only thing he kept that could be traced back to her. It was a book, of course, one book, in particular, he just couldn't bring himself to throw out.</p><p>~Six months ago~</p><p>"Well, that's the last of it, Bell." She huffs as if she's so put out when really there were only like five boxes of books he was keeping. Everything else was sold or donated. He's genuinely starting over.  "I can't believe you're actually leaving, big brother." Octavia throws her arms around his neck, probably to try and hide her face from him. Octavia doesn't like to show her emotions, especially when they're ones of sadness. But she couldn't hide the teardrop that he felt on his shoulder.</p><p>Holding the back of her head to his shoulder, he speaks softly into her ear. "It's okay O, I promise I'll come visit you soon. You know I just need to get out of here."</p><p>"I understand Bell, I just wish you could stay." She releases him and gives him a watery smile. "But I do, really understand. You need this, brother. Go live your life. Just don't forget to call, and don't forget to come back to me."</p><p>Bellamy feels his own eyes well up with tears, and he ducks his head and nods in confirmation. There's no way he's altogether abandoning his baby sister. </p><p>Luckily, Bellamy was offered a position in Charlotte just in time for him to make the decision to move. He needed to leave Charolette, couldn't stay here with all the bad memories of him and Clarke. Bellamy never thought that Clarke Griffin would have such an impact on his life, but then again, he didn't think he could ever fall as hard as he had. </p><p>Walking to the front of his truck, he opens the door to get in, halting when he hears someone call his name.</p><p>"Bellamy!"</p><p>For some reason, he's disappointed that it's not Clarke, but he should've known better to think it would be her. He never told her that he was moving, so unless Octavia told her (very likely), she probably has no idea he won't be in the same city as her anymore. </p><p>Miller walks up to him, holding out a book, The Odyssey. "This fell out of one of the boxes I was carrying to the truck bed, and I thought you being the nerd you are, could maybe read it at the hotel or something since clearly, it didn't want to stay in the box."</p><p>Bellamy chuckles and takes the book from his friend. That's another part he'll miss about Charolette, all of his friends. They know why he's moving, and they support him for the most part, he just knows he'll miss them, and it stings to think about a life without seeing them every Friday for game night. But this is a necessary adjustment if he wants to grow into his own person. Besides, the new private school he's teaching at pays pretty well, so if he ever wanted to move back and maybe get an actual house instead of an apartment, he would have enough money by then.</p><p>"Thanks, man." Bellamy hugs Miller before breaking away and getting into the truck once more. "I'm gonna miss it here."</p><p>"You can always come back, Blake."</p><p>"I know. And I probably will eventually. You know me can't stay away from my friends and O for too long." Smirking, Bellamy closes the door and waves to his friend one final time before looking down at the book in his hands. It's the copy Clarke got him for his birthday. It was a leather-bound collector's edition, and he has annotations scribbled all throughout it, along with many pieces of paper sticking out here and there. </p><p>When Bellamy moves to put the book beside him, one paper slips out. It's in his own handwriting, but it's clearly been handled quite a bit from the crumples along the edges. It's a simple piece of scratch paper with a quote from the page it was marking on it.</p><p>"There is the heat of Love, the pulsing rush of Longing, the lover's whisper, irresistible—magic to make the sanest man go mad."</p><p>Underneath the quote, there's one word. Princess.</p><p>Bellamy closes the book with the paper still inside it, turns on the ignition, and drives away. Not noticing the blonde that was standing behind the truck with tears in her eyes.</p><p>~Now~</p><p>"So, Bellamy, why did you decide to move? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're here. I was just wondering why you decided to move away from the city you went to school in and that your sister lived in."</p><p>Bellamy thought about his answer for a second before deciding to just tell her what happened, "Bad breakup. She broke up with me because she thought I was too protective of my sister, they were really good friends, and we kept fighting about it until she told me that I just needed to find my own life and live it." Bellamy shrugs. Maybe he sugarcoats the truth a bit. Maybe he doesn't tell Echo that looking back, he really was being too protective and was the root of the problem, and Clarke was just trying to help. But that doesn't matter now. "Which is exactly what I'm doing. Starting over. Living for myself."</p><p>Echo seems to ponder this for a moment before speaking again. "I think you're one of the first people I've known to listen to their ex's advice."</p><p>Startled, Bellamy chokes out a laugh of sorts, "Um, yeah, I guess I did take her advice, but honestly, it was probably the best advice someone could give me." At Echo's raised eyebrow, he hurries to recover. "I haven't seen her since the breakup, but it was good advice. It helped me to move on." One and a half lies in a sentence, not too bad.</p><p>Echo seems to consider this before nodding and finishing off the last of her meal. "Well, this was really good, Bellamy. You're honestly one of the best cooks I've dated, and this is only our first date."</p><p>"Yea, I'm quite the experienced chef. After having to cook for O most of our lives, I got pretty used to it. Throwing a bunch of random things together and making it taste good was my favorite teenage pastime."</p><p>They continue to chat about their lives and different menial things with the soft music playing in the background. That is until a new song comes on, "The Night We Met" by Lord Huron, fills the room, and Bellamy almost feels sick when this particular memory comes tumbling back.</p><p>~4 years ago~</p><p>Bellamy's head was pounding. He had finally finished his finals for the last semester of junior year. If only he could go back to his dorm and relax the rest of the night, but his friends (little sister included) wanted to go out to a club. Well, more like a bar that his friend group always managed to turn into a club by the end of the night. He doesn't know why he expected anything different than this. Last year, O wanted to do the same thing, even got her and Clarke in with their fake IDs. So instead of diving into his warm bed when he gets to his dorm, he changes into a new pair of jeans and a white t-shirt needing to get the stale test clothes off of him. </p><p>Bellamy throws on his leather jacket, grabs his wallet, and heads towards the Dropship. Luckily, it's only down the street from the campus. Since the college is in a small town right next to Charlotte, North Carolina, everything is close together. Luckily even though it is a smaller town, it's big on bars and food places, and even though it took a while for his friend group to find a bar accommodating to them and their rowdiness, they had plenty of options to choose from. The Dropship was the perfect fit. With Murphy already working there as a bartender, they had previously heard about it, but of course, they had to try it out first (at Octavia's pleas). Murphy only slightly raised an eyebrow at Clarke and Octavia last year when they came in, knowing they were underage but not going to do anything about it ("As long as you tip me good Princess and little Blake. I do not give a shit"). </p><p>When he gets to the bar, it's dark outside, and a surge of protectiveness goes through him when he wonders if his sister and Clarke are there yet or walking alone in the dark. As soon as the thought comes into his head, he's taken aback. Since when did he care about the Princesses' well-being? Yes, she and Bellamy had gotten closer lately, but that's only because they shared an Art History class. So maybe they hung out more, got coffee together quite a bit, and we were always at each other's dorms when their roommates weren't there. Does that really justify his protective big brother tendencies extending to her as well?</p><p>No. There's a distinct line between Clarke and Octavia that was drawn a while ago. He most definitely doesn't see her like he sees his sister. But then why does he seem to care about her just as much as Octavia?</p><p>Before he can think further about this, someone calls out his name, and Bellamy has to suppress his laughter at a drunk looking Clarke and Octavia waving at him through the glass door of the bar. They must've pre-gamed or been here a lot longer than the others.</p><p>He walks into the bar and greets everyone before sitting down next to Clarke and across from his sister. Everyone continues to chat, most paying attention to the story that Octavia is telling about when she fell out of a tree when she was 8 and broke her arm in three places. She defines it as awesome. He disagrees. Bellamy rolls his eyes at his sister's dramatics but continues to listen while she drawls on until he feels someone's eyes on him. </p><p>He looks down at Clarke, and she quickly looks away and pretends to be enraptured by Octavia's story, all while a ferocious blush rises on her cheeks. Smirking, he can't help but lean down and whisper into her ear, "Did you need something, Princess?"</p><p>Clarke snaps her neck to look at him, feigning innocence, "I have no idea what you mean, Bell." She tries (and fails) to glare menacingly at him before announcing that she's going to get another round.</p><p>Trying to get up and scoot across Bellamy in the booth was probably hard for her, and he doesn't help at all. Bellamy just stays put and watches in amusement as she tries to work herself around him. He's done this a lot lately, teasing her in different ways other than words. Bellamy has no clue what made him start this type of teasing but watching her get all flustered each time he touches her a certain way or in this circumstance forces her to practically scoot across his lap, always brings a smile to his face and an annoyed look to Clarke's. Eventually, he relents and just picks Clarke up and plops her down on his other side, easy. She's startled at first, but soon, the Princess seems to shake herself out of whatever trance she was in and manages to stand up and walk to the bar.</p><p>Bellamy misses having her weight by his side, on his lap, and in his arms.</p><p>Since when did he ever think of the Princess like this? He knows Clarke is beautiful, that much is obvious, and yes, he's teased her in the past whenever she gets flustered at his proximity or something similar, but he's never had the outright thought of wanting Clarke on his lap or in his arms.</p><p>Now that he's thinking about it, he can't stop. How long has he felt this way? Was it only tonight, or has he had these thoughts in the past and just never realized them because they were never as profound? What does this mean?</p><p>Looking over at Clarke to see her laughing at something Murphy said to her while preparing the drinks, he's struck with a sudden realization of precisely what these thoughts mean. Shit. He may like Clarke Griffin.</p><p>When Clarke comes back with the drinks, Bellamy is still in a sort of daze, and instead of asking him to move, she just sits next to him and pushes his side until he scoots into the empty space beside him. However, this seating arrangement doesn't last long because soon, the song changes to one Octavia loves, and Bellamy knows before she even says anything what's about to happen.</p><p>"OH MY GOD! CLARKE IT'S OUR SONG WE HAVE TO DANCE!"</p><p>Clarke looks up from where she was frowning at her phone, and Bellamy can't help but want to reach over and kiss the frown off her lips. What the fuck has happened to him?</p><p>"Um, I don't know, O. I may be pleasantly drunk, but I'm not drunk enough to make a fool of myself."</p><p>"Oh, please please please!" Octavia begs, her best friend with a pout. And Clarke has always been a sucker for his sister.</p><p>"Fine! But Harper and Emori are coming too!" Clarke declares, getting up while the rest of the girls scramble to exit the bench as well. Most of the guys hang back until Harper summons Monty, and Jasper goes to "hit on" a short brown haired girl standing by the jukebox, leaving Bellamy and Miller alone in the booth. Even Murphy goes out to dance with Emori on his break.</p><p>After talking a bit about the latest baseball game and their finals, Miller eventually leaves Bellamy as well to go talk to a guy standing by the bar. Bellamy would usually be fine sitting alone. He gets to watch his sister have fun and dance and maybe even scout for a girl of his own. But this time, when he's watching his sister dance with Clarke, something deep settles in his stomach as another man comes up behind Clarke and whispers in her ear. Clarke turns around to face the man and offers a small smile, but continues to dance with Octavia, clearly ignoring the guy.</p><p>He doesn't take a hint.</p><p>The man continues to dance closer and closer to Clarke until he's pressed against her back, and she goes stiff straight. Obviously uncomfortable, she tells O something and makes her way to the bar to get away from the guy. As soon as the guy starts to follow her, Bellamy is hot on his heels.</p><p>"-buy you a drink?"</p><p>Bellamy makes it to the bar to hear the back half of the question he asks Clarke and decides to act fast (and if he gets to play Clarke's boyfriend after his earlier thoughts about having her in his lap and arms, then maybe it's not that bad).</p><p>Just as Clarke is about to answer, Bellamy comes up behind her and slings his arm around her waist, pulling her close. "Sorry, it took so long, babe. I was talking to Jasper."</p><p>Confusion flashes across her face, but as soon as it comes, it goes, and she leans into his touch. Pushing herself up on her toes, she kisses him on the cheek, and Bellamy has to tighten his grip on her waist in order to stop himself from claiming her lips. "It's okay, Bell. Want to head back out to the dance floor after I get my water?"</p><p>Bellamy offers her a smile and nods his response before turning his head to look at the guy who is now just gaping at the pair. "You got a problem, buddy?" Bellamy tilts his head and sets his jaw menacingly while staring down at the other guy.</p><p>The man shakes his head no and turns quickly to find another poor girl to creep on.</p><p>"Thanks, Bell. You didn't have to do that."</p><p>"Did you see the way he was looking at you? Yes, I did."</p><p>Clarke stares at him in awe, and something he can't decipher flickers across his face. He's jolted with the revelation of wanting to understand it and every other emotion or thought she may ever have. </p><p>He doesn't realize he's still staring with his arm wrapped around her until the song changes from the fast tempo it was pounding at to something slower. </p><p>As "The Night We Met" by Lord Huron fills the air, Bellamy smirks at Clarke.</p><p>"So, Princess, how 'bout that dance?"</p><p>Clarkes seems to consider for a moment before tucking a loose curl behind her ear and nodding her assent as Bellamy drags her onto the dance floor.</p><p>Bellamy wraps his arms around her waist while she places her hand at the back of his neck and begins to play with the curls there. They may be walking a dangerous line. And he may like Clarke more than he initially thought.</p><p>"I am not the only traveler Who has not repaid his debt. I've been searching for a trail to follow again. Take me back to the night we met"</p><p>They sway back and forth, and Bellamy can't help but stare into the depths of her eyes. The blue is a sea he could get lost in over and over again, but take delight in mapping each of the new places he finds on the way. Maybe he likes Clarke Griffin a lot more than he previously thought.</p><p>"And then I can tell myself what the hell I'm supposed to do. And then I can tell myself not to ride along with you."</p><p>Clarke rests her head on his shoulder, and he bends his own neck to lay on top of her blonde hair. Breathing her in, he can faintly smell her lavender shampoo mixed with the alcohol and sweat gathered in the night. Bellamy never knew he could love a smell this much. It smelled almost like home. He may or may not be half in love with Clarke.</p><p>"I had all and then most of you some and now none of you. Take me back to the night we met. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, haunted by the ghost of you. Oh, take me back to the night we met."</p><p>If he truly listened to the lyrics of the song spilling through the jukebox, Bellamy would sooner have looked back on this night and realized just how true they would one day ring to his ears. Maybe more than half in love.</p><p>"When the night was full of terrors, and your eyes were filled with tears. When you had not touched me yet. Oh, take me back to the night we met."</p><p>But, Bellamy would not recognize the true significance of this song's lyrics until listening to them again four years later. He was too busy that night, realizing something much more important.</p><p>Bellamy Blake was in love with Clarke Griffin, and he may never get over the girl with the ocean eyes that many past sailors had already tried to navigate and ended up lost along the way. In fact, he would proudly be one of those lost travelers.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>part one title is from another FLETCHER song because lets face it im ~obsessed~<br/>part two will be coming out soon, hopefully within the week!<br/>hope you liked it and stay tuned:)</p>
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